You win some, you lose some.

About two months ago, I was let go from my Editor job three days before my birthday. Things were going downhill there, and I hit my breaking point. I was both shocked and not shocked at the same time. Even though I hated the job, I felt devastated, defeated, and lost.

A little before that happened, I had hit a really low point and decided to finally sign up for therapy. I made the appointment right before I lost my job (which happened to be scheduled for the day after my birthday) not knowing what would happen. When I finally lost my job, the timing couldn't have been better. I was finally able to work through the trauma I was carrying from my negative experiences at different jobs. I'm grateful to have found such a great therapist who is supportive and not judgmental.

After I left my job, I once again questioned my career path. Unfortunately, being unemployed is a road I know well. I thought this time would be easier because I had gone through it before, but for some reason it was harder. It hurt even more to be let go from a job in an industry I was passionate about, and it especially hit harder knowing some of it was my fault. No one can prepare you for the feelings of self doubt, guilt, and shame.

At the end of the day, I still needed to find a job. I continued to put myself out there, even on the days I felt like giving up. I applied to all different kinds of jobs - some were in journalism and others were not. A few weeks ago, I had a job interview at a similar company to the one I previously worked at, but as a writer. There were two people who interviewed me, and it seemed to be going well, until one person asked me a personal question that hit a nerve. I unleashed on them, and called them out for being unprofessional. I ended the call, and sent an apology email to the other person about what went on. They let me redo the interview with them and another person, and the second time was much better.

I recently heard back from the company and they hired me for the job, which I'll be starting tomorrow. When I got the email, I stared at it blankly and had no reaction at all. I'm grateful that I got the job, but I'm also in shock still. I definitely deserved it, but I'm used to unemployment periods that are longer than two months. To be honest, I'm absolutely terrified. I'm determined to make this a better experience but I can't help but feel guarded and on high alert. I know that I can do the job and will be great at it, but I can't afford for anything to go wrong.

Over the last two months, I have learned that my job isn't my life, it's part of my life. I'm more than what I do. My happiness should not be defined by a career, and I will try to find other things that make me happy in order to not let my job take over my emotions. I'm in therapy now, and I have family and friends who support me. I want to go into this position in a positive headspace because I deserve another chance.