How can it be emotions change, faster than mercurial rain?

 

August 18, 2023 was the day I had been waiting for not just for three weeks, but basically since I was a teenager. I bought a ticket to meet Idina Menzel at a CD signing in at Barnes & Noble in NYC for her new album, Drama Queen. I've been a fan of Idina since I saw her in Wicked at 11 years old, and always dreamed of meeting her someday. I actually met her two other times before at the stagedoor for If/Then and Skintight, but never really talked to her because I mentally blacked out. Also, both times I waited at the stagedoor, she wasn't allowed to take photos with fans (even though I'm grateful that she came out at all!)

So back to two days ago... I didn't sleep the night before (shocker) and I was EXTREMELY nervous. I felt like I had already fucked up before by not talking to Idina the other two times I met her, and was also sad about not getting a photo. I didn't want to ruin my opportunity this time because I would never forgive myself. It helped that I bought a ticket to this event knowing I would meet her AND get a photo, so that relieved a lot of stress. I also decided to go alone and I don't really care. I would've been more nervous if someone had gone with me.

On the bus ride to NYC, I listened to the songs from Drama Queen I hadn't heard yet, and it's a pretty decent album! Once I got there, I walked about 18 minutes to Barnes & Noble, and there were already people waiting on line. It looked like I was one of the first 15 people to meet her, and I was glad because the suspense was killing me. I was shaking like crazy and trying to drink water, even though it barely helped anyway because my throat was still dry. At around 11:00 a.m., the event coordinator scanned our tickets and gave out wristbands. We were then let into the store by 11:30. The employees gave us instructions and handed out the CDs. Idina was behind a curtain, and a few people were let in at a time to meet her. We were instructed to give our phones to another employee and our bags to security to check and put on the side.

Then, it was MY TURN. This was it. The moment I had been dreaming about my whole fucking life was about to pass by faster than I could ever imagine. My first glance at Idina sitting at the wooden table was literally piercing to my eyes. She looked like fucking perfection. Her hair was short and curled a little, and she was wearing a jean collared shirt and burgundy striped pants. She always looks so much smaller in person every time I see her. Even though I had seen her live numerous times, it didn't seem real. I had planned what I was going to say beforehand, but my throat was still so dry I didn't know if the words would come out. 

I walked up to Idina, introduced myself, and handed her the CD to sign.

• Me: Hi, I'm Erica.
• Idina: Hi Erica!
• Me: I saw you in Wicked when I was younger.
• Idina: Oh you did? 
• Me: Yeah, and If/Then... twice.
• Idina: If/Then too? That's one of my favorite shows. *signs CD*
• Me. Thank you!
• Idina: I'm so flattered, thank you for being here, I really appreciate it.

Then, we took a picture together (seen above), which actually came out AMAZING. THANK GOD!! As I looked through my camera roll after, I noticed the guy from the store also took a video. Sadly, it won't see the light of day because it's HUMILIATING. Sorry! Maybe I'll decide to post it at some point, but not right now. Idina was so nice it was actually sickening (in a good way). It really helped that she seemed so humble and grateful for all of the fans who came. That really made the experience so incredible and worth the wait.

And that was it. I walked away feeling empty and sad, which I expected because I've felt that way before. It just all happened so fast. I tried to hang around the store because I didn't want to believe the moment was over, but I ended up not being able to focus and left. I actually went to the theatre Skintight was at which was nearby because I needed somewhere to sit and didn't know where else to go. I listened to music to decompress and felt so happy, but also wanted to cry at the same time. After I calmed down a little bit, I ate lunch and went home. I'm still riding on the high from everything, even though I ended up crying the next day.

I'm honestly fucking proud of myself. I love Idina so much, but this experience was fucking intimidating. That day, I experienced every kind of emotion possible. Happiness, sadness, anxiety, delirium, you name it. I had so much anxiety before the event, and I'm glad I was able to be coherent enough to enjoy it (with some thanks to medication, LOL). It may not have been the perfect time for me emotionally, but it was the right time. I was READY.  I had already interviewed and met so many Broadway and Bravo stars, which prepared me for this moment. I'm so heartbroken it's over and I hope I can meet Idina again sooner rather than later. Maybe I won't be as nervous next time!