The higher you climb, the farther you fall.

Once again, I apologize for abandoning this blog. I recently started reading the book A Hundred Other Girls and it inspired me to write again. (BUY IT!) I owe it to whoever reads this to give a brief life update.

In April, my sister got engaged in Paris. Traveling is one of the top things that gives me serious anxiety, so I was nervous to go. I've never been to Europe, and I'm only used to going on cruises and stuff. I haven't really been abroad since I went to Israel in 2013. I also had to use PTO that I literally COULDN'T afford. But I went, and I ended up having a great time, even if it was difficult first. And it was priceless to see my sister's reaction when my family surprised her because she had no idea we were coming. I'm not going to explain the details of the whole trip (maybe I'll save that for another entry if anyone cares), but it was one to remember for sure. It's weird that my sister is engaged because it still seems like we're kids. It makes me feel old and reflect on my own life too. She's getting married next August, and the wedding planning is already starting, but I'm trying to stay out of it as much as possible for now.

As for my job, it's... going. I still have it, which is good I guess. But things have changed. When I started there as a writer, I was excited to get up in the morning and pitch an article idea that I wanted to write about. Maybe it was because I was able to do it on my own time. Now, basically all of the writers have been cut and there's barely been anything to do. I should be happy about that because at my last job, I was swamped all the time and couldn't breathe for one second. I didn't realize journalism was also about getting views, which means certain topics that don't perform well get cut. I know it's not about me, but basically all of the shows I watch can't really be covered on the site anymore, like Real Housewives. Luckily, Vanderpump Rules had a resurgence in popularity so we covered that a lot. Also, since we have no writers, the editors have to write to make up for the low amount of content. It used to be every once in awhile, but I have to write at least one news article almost every day and I'm tired of it. I know I'm a writer too, but I like doing it when I want to, not when I'm forced to. And especially not when I'm limited to what topics I can write about. I liked transitioning into editing because writing is a lot of work and it's very time-consuming.

I'm also annoyed with other things about the job, like my boss suddenly not letting me add topics or take pitches anymore (except on weekends) because she feels I'm not "capable." Like, WTF? Here we go again. I know deep down she does like me, but just fucking fire me if you feel that way (JK DONT!). She's definitely using me because I'm the only one who works weekends. Yup, I work every Tuesday to Saturday now. I mean, it's not that bad but I made a deal with another editor who worked every weekend to split the weekend shift with her and got fucked over because she ended up leaving the company. At least it's only one weekend day and not both. So, because of this, among many other things (like not being happy in general, making shit pay, and not being offered insurance), I'm actively looking for other jobs. PLEASE HIRE ME SOMEWHERE!!

Even when I get upset, I still try to put things in perspective and be grateful to have a job at all. I've definitely been in a worse place in my life and nothing lasts forever, as I've learned in the past. When I worked in retail, I thought I would never get out and I did, so there's hope! Now I'm finally in a decent place in my career working as an Editor for an entertainment website like I've always wanted, but there are still days when I miss writing articles about theater and interviewing actors. Sometimes I miss how happy it made me, even though I wasn't being paid a dime. I hope I can do that again someday. 

It doesn't help that I've completely lost interest and been out of the loop with things such as theatre. I haven't seen a Broadway show since March, and I haven't really been able to go because of my work schedule. I mean I could if I tried to get tickets, but nothing has really grabbed my attention enough to act on it. I am FINALLY meeting Idina Menzel again on August 18th at a CD signing. I've met her twice at the stagedoor, but I was too nervous to even talk and basically blacked out both times. It also wasn't the right environment to really say anything to her. The ticket guarantees a photo with her, which I surprisingly have never gotten despite being a fan for 19 (!!) years. I'm really excited and also terrified, but I think I'm ready. I've met and interviewed enough actors and reality stars to be used to this by now. And don't worry, my next entry will probably be recapping that event so stay tuned!