Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree?

A year ago, I was fired from my job. I try not to dwell on it, and now it feels like a distant memory. I'm still unemployed. I kind of expected to be because I've been unemployed for long periods of time before. I spent this last year trying to build myself back up. I'm not a completely different person and I've denied therapy when I know I probably need it, but I can definitely say I've changed my outlook on life.

Before this all happened, I used to define my life based on a job. But a job isn't your life. It's a part of your life that becomes a way to make money. I still believe that it's important to at least like your job a little bit, even if it's not your "dream job." When I was really struggling at my job, my parents told me not to quit or get myself fired because I would lose everything. A solid income, insurance, and a 401K plan would be ripped away from me. They would threaten me not to do it because they thought I would regret it and not even be eligible for unemployment. I would also have to go back on the job market, which is a road I've been down many times. I sort of proved them wrong. I did end up being eligible for unemployment. I went on another insurance plan. I was doing okay. I knew that I needed to reset because of the terrible situation I was in. I wanted to find myself and become me again. I feel like I hated my job so much that it ripped every emotion out of me. I was miserable. My anxiety and depression was at an all-time high. I couldn't do it anymore.

During the last year, I tried so hard "figure it out." I made some strides, but I still have a long way to go. Do we ever have it figured out? I'm almost 30 and I'm probably in the same boat as I was when I first graduated college. I did some more writing for BroadwayWorld and got myself into some sticky situations. I doubted whether I was worth anything to anyone and became weary of people using me. I joined Screen Rant, which was a great way to write more often and add to my portfolio. Even Screen Rant had its issues. This summer, I received a hate message about one of my articles on Facebook. A few weeks ago, another writer plagiarized my article into hers. I took some time to decompress after each situation, but I kept going. My love for writing about entertainment goes above any hate or lack of appreciation from anyone.

Most of the time, the good does outweigh the bad. For BroadwayWorld, I saw a local production of A Bronx Tale and was able to interview their choreographer, as well as write a review of the show. Abbey, the choreographer, works on Broadway shows too and was a lot of fun to talk to. I got a lot of praise for both articles, which reminded me of why I love doing this in the first place. Abbey wrote a nice Instagram post thanking me for interviewing her. The review also got acclaim from the theater, as well as attention from the cast members on social media. I don't 100% do this for the attention, but to get positive comments about my writing is incredibly touching. There are no words to describe it. Two and a half years ago, I wrote my first BWW review for the same theatre's production of Mamma Mia and got similar feedback on Facebook and Twitter. It felt like a full-circle moment for me.

So what do I do now? I've had some job interviews but I'm sick and tired of putting myself out there only for it to amount to nothing. But I've kept going, because I have no choice. My mom told me that no matter what job I have, I can always keep writing. No one will take that away from me, even if it doesn't end up being a career. And she's right. I'm continuing to see shows, whether its for BWW or for fun because it makes me happy. I saw my first play on Broadway since the pandemic, Trouble In Mind, last week. It felt AMAZING to be back in a Broadway theatre again. I even liked waiting in line for the bathroom, LOL. I'm seeing Caroline, Or Change later this week and I'm so excited to see my first Broadway musical post-shutdown. I will be going back on a cruise for the holidays, which terrifies me but I think it will be fun. I'm going to try and enjoy my life instead of worrying about things I can't control.