I'm willing to wait for it.

  

 

I'm back. I know it's been a long time but I really haven't been in the mood to write on this blog anymore. I have nothing interesting to say. I haven't gone to any shows or concerts, written any reviews, or interviewed any celebrities or Broadway stars. There has really been no reason to write anymore. But I feel like I should do it more often because it's a tough time right now and writing has always been something that makes me happy, even if it's to vent.

Well, it's been one hell of a week as if these last 5 months weren't terrible enough. My sister lost her job at a company she's been at for 7 years. She was furloughed at first, but they told her this week that she would not be coming back, EVER. They laid off basically all of their employees, including all of her friends. It's just so sad. Every day you wake up hoping things will get better but they just seem to get worse. I always looked up to my sister. I wanted the cool job in NYC that I love with an apartment and to be able to see shows and do things there whenever I wanted. I wanted her life. But now she has to give it all up and move out of her apartment too. I'm glad she'll be living at home permanently (until further notice), but I know how much she loved her job and being in New York and it's so sad. I hope when the time is right, she can start over and her life can turn out better than she ever thought it would. Like I always say, you end up where you're supposed to - even in the worst of circumstances.

So, what about me? I'm the opposite. My job has extended my hours from 8:30-5, to 8-5 starting Monday. I should be happy, but of course I HATE my job and in some ways working from home has made things even worse for me. The other day, I just wasn't feeling great. I was still upset about my sister losing her job and I felt down. A customer called in and during our conversation, she told me I was "tired" because I was "huffing and puffing" (she wasn't WRONG) and asked to speak to someone else. I got frustrated, said "fuck you" under my breath not realizing she heard, hung up, and went on my afternoon break.

After my break, my boss messaged me asking why I wasn't logged in to my phone system and about the whole customer situation. I finally HAD IT and UNLEASHED everything on her. I told her that the customer hit a personal nerve with me and about my family situation. I know it wasn't right, but I was SICK of it. I was sick of the abuse from my boss, sick of the abuse from customers, sick of this job, and sick of this fucking pandemic. I lost it. I could not stop sobbing. I could have lost my job. Never have I EVER cursed at a customer. I've been close, but I never actually have done it. Surprisingly, my boss felt badly and let me leave for the rest of the day. I only had about an hour left, but I really was not in good shape. 

Is it bad that I'm happy I did that? I mean I'm very lucky I didn't get fired and that I was working from home. I don't think I would've ever done that in the office. But I was just so frustrated with everything that I thought telling my boss would cause her to leave me alone. How much more can someone take? I already want to quit this job and cry from it almost every day, and the fact that it's a pandemic doesn't really help. I'm forced to stay until all of this is over because if I don't I'll lose a huge amount of money, insurance, and everything I've ever worked for. It hurts every day to not be able to do what I love and realizing that it may take longer than I thought makes me so upset. I'm waiting for the day when I'll be able to write about theater again in at least some capacity and it will at least give me some kind of sanity in this crazy world.