Highs and Lows

Right before everything went to shit, I was having the best two weeks of my life. I got an opportunity that I never thought was possible. I can't really go into detail because it's still up-in-the-air and I don't want to jinx anything, but it was GREAT. It involved me taking a day off of work to go to New York City. Let's just say that it felt like all of my hard work in the past few months had paid off to get to this point. And if I do get this opportunity, it would be HUGE for me and change my life dramatically. I had never walked the streets of NYC feeling so happy with my head held high. I had never wanted something so badly in my life or had someone pay attention to everything I had worked so hard to put out there. We'll see what happens. At least it made for a nice day out in NYC with my mom.

A week later, a doctor's appointment I had been nervous about ruined my life for about five days. I've had anxiety issues for about ten years. Even though I don't have anxiety every single day, I have been having panic attacks slightly closer together which made me concerned. I asked my doctor to put me on permanent medication but instead it only made things worse. Never had I felt so anxious and depressed in my LIFE. I would rather not take any medication at all then go through the side effects of taking that pill, so I went off of it and will never go back.

These events were a wake up call for me. Life is so short. Anxiety is a terrible feeling that can be way too powerful for no reason. Even in my worst moments, I will try to control it and not let it ruin me. I think about this specific opportunity that I may or may not get and it makes me realize how far I've come. A year ago, I was seeing a career counselor to help with my job search because I was defeated at all costs. She was of NO HELP to me, but probably for the better because I landed back on my feet. I will continue to fight for what I want and not let anything get in my way.