The 5-Month Stretch


Author's Note: It's been ANOTHER MONTH, sorry. I keep forgetting to write in this thing. I'm going to self-promote because I wrote ANOTHER REVIEW AGAIN! Totally last minute, but it's one more thing to put on my portfolio!

 When you first get a new job, you feel like you're on top of the world. Everything is great. You're making money. It's all new to you. What could go wrong? Then, a few months in you CRASH. That's what happened to me. All of the cracks became deeper and deeper. I was in a black hole. A string of events just kept piling up and so did the work and I hit a wall. My boss was being a bitch, I sit next to this guy and another woman who are so fucking annoying, and I was so frustrated with this job I couldn't stand going in another day. I even considered walking out one day at around 3pm and not going back. I had anxiety and depression for about a day and a half. I thought about quitting. Sometimes you're in such a dark place that you just want to pull the plug, take a risk, and wonder if you'll be happy somewhere else.

I cried one night. I couldn't take it anymore. I talked to my parents and they said if I'm that unhappy, I should look for another job. So I hopped back on the job boards, but didn't actually apply anywhere. It gave me PTSD. I thought, if I've been unemployed for so long and I FINALLY have a job, why would I want to take several steps back? Also, job hunting SUCKS, especially when you've done it for as long as I have. I found the 'perfect' job, then I realized it was an internship with a stipend. #NOPE. I found another local freelance journalism job but there were no benefits, you work from home, and did I mention.. its freelance. That's when I saw the light. Why would I want to give up what I have no matter how shitty it can be sometimes? I work for one of the top publishing companies in this country, even if it's in the call center. I have a stable, full-time job with benefits and I'm going to give that all up for what? When I'm in a better place financially and have a year under my belt at this job, then it would be a more reasonable time to move on. But I couldn't help to think that my work here isn't done and there's so much more growing to do. For now, I'm going to keep writing for BWW and plugging away at this job to make money, and when I'm ready to move on I will.

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