Separation Anxiety


Author's Note: Once again, I'm deciding to share a very personal topic for this article. I've gotten positive responses in the past, and I'm so grateful to my readers for respecting my choice to share this.

 Recently, my mom told me a story about when I was in preschool and I used to scream and cry at the door because I didn't want her to leave. Sometimes, she would even pick me up early. Last week, she and my dad left for a 2-week cruise to Europe. I thought I was going to be fine, but my anxiety reared its ugly head at 2am on Monday while I was sleeping. I woke up and started to panic about them being safe and if their plane landed and if I was going to be okay. Let's just say, it was a rough week. It took me a few days to be able to eat and sleep normally again. I even considered calling my doctor to figure out why I was feeling this way.

I feel okay right now, much better than I did earlier in the week. I'm still a little sad but I know in one more week they'll be home and things will be normal again. This whole "issue" (or whatever you want to call it) made me think a lot about the rest of my life. Am I ready to move out and be on my own? After this week, I'm not so sure. I did okay in college and my parents have gone on vacation and left me home before, but for some reason I reacted so horribly to them being away. Why is it that I depend on them so much, that I completely freaked out when it finally hit me? I'm better than that. They've worked their asses off my whole life to support me, and now they're getting the vacation they deserve and I'm sitting here being so selfish about it. It's really disgusting.

I miss the person I was in college. I liked being independent and not relying on anyone. That's how I want to live my life. But my anxiety/dependence/overall being worried all the time concerns me. The stigma for 20-somethings still living at home is ridiculous nonsense. If someone isn't in a place emotionally or financially to move out, that should be their choice. I have my whole life to be on my own. I'm trying to figure things out and just live in the moment. I keep thinking my anxiety has gone away, but then something unexpected happens and it comes out. I know I'm not alone in this, but it just sucks. I wish I didn't think so much about everything all the time. I hope this coming week is a lot better than last week, and before I know it my parents will be home again.

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